Why guys need prenups

Before that conversation starts, do some thinking: What do you think is fair? In other words, marital law is whatever you make of it. Of course, negotiating any legal paperwork will require you to have legal representation, which leaves you with a choice between two scenarios: In scenario A, you get your own lawyer now, have her strip the prenup content from the cohabitation agreement before you sign it and move in, and then work with her again when or if you decide to sign a prenup before getting married.

To untangle that step, I called Debra Roberts, a therapist, the author of The Relationship Protocol , and an expert in messy communication processes. Or are they coming from your lawyer? Are you willing to change some of these demands? I want this to work. The fact that your boyfriend feels confident enough to bring this up now — and, granted, that may be bolstered by his six-figure salary — speaks well for your relationship.

Entering a marriage with misgivings or unspoken concerns is far worse than laying his cards on the table in this way. It is possible to be realistic and romantic, optimistic and pragmatic, assertive and sensitive. If you think marriage is difficult, try going through a divorce where there are no goal posts — and everything is up for grabs. People include provisions covering everything from alimony, debt, child custody and incapacity to pets, penalties for infidelity and even what partners can write about each other on social media.

Prenups outline a blueprint for a possible divorce, but can also set the expected standards for the marriage itself. The time to hash out your differences is before you get married — not five or 10 years down the line. You are not alone in asking whether or not you should be offended by the suggestion of a prenup. You probably feel chagrined because you have less separate property going into the marriage. I think the media portrays love as passion and not having a plan and not having fights, but that's not real.

People who have been married for years will tell you it's a lot of planning, a lot of discussions of what you would do in certain situations. This is a part of premarital planning. Greer agrees that this isn't something that you should agree to or veto on a whim.

This is a major decision and you need to hear each other out. If you can't agree on this, could it be a deal breaker? If you can't negotiate this, you're not going to be able to negotiate other things in marriage. Those couples who can't come to a middle ground and find something palpable for both of them, they're not going to work out.

After all, you're bickering about money already. So if you're unsure about a prenup, do your research. Talk to your partner and ask why exactly they want one Is it pressure from their family? Are they coming to the marriage with property and children and financial assets, and they want to have a plan in writing in case the worst happens? But it's not just assets millennials are bringing to a marriage, Johannes said — they're also saddled with outstanding student loan debt , which prenups can cover.

Without a prenup, you may be left responsible for half of your spouse's outstanding debt after a divorce. The notion of divorce also hovers in the back of many millennials' minds — one-third are children of divorce, which Viera says "informs their desire to do everything possible to create a successful marriage.

Johannes added that as children of divorce, millennials may be coached by their own parents or predisposed to protect their interests. Millennials have a better understanding of those consequences, and are taking the appropriate steps to create a mutually beneficial prenuptial agreement. Prenups have evolved beyond a legal document utilized by the rich and famous or those marrying multiple times.

Back then, spouses wanted to protect any family money or business interests they brought with them into a marriage, Viera said. In a nutshell, a prenup manages expectations of what will happen in a divorce and post-divorce, Frawley said. Read more : You don't need to be rich to get a prenup — here's how much you should expect to pay. By allowing couples to determine what makes sense for them, a prenup makes those state laws inapplicable, according to Johannes.

One of the primary purposes for a prenup, she says, is to determine financial payments for property settlement and alimony. Johannes added: "If you own a business, a prenup can ensure that your ownership is protected, but spell out a sum of money to be given to your spouse in lieu of any ownership stake.

Interests in any gifts or inheritances received can also be waived in return for other assets — or without promise of other assets, for that matter.

This, said Johannes, will hopefully make for a less contentious split while forcing couples to think ahead to a leading stressor in marriages: finances. By focusing on your financial relationship, a prenup can help you avoid future arguments over finances by forcing you to fully disclose all financial information — like income, debt, assets, and inheritances — up front, she said.

Plus, it can help couples learn communication and compromise. Viera adds that prenups are created during "a time of love and teamwork" to figure out what's best for the couple — which is better, and less costly, than figuring everything out during a highly contested divorce. But Frawley points out: "Prenuptial agreements can be difficult because you are addressing the 'unknown' and it is being negotiated during what should be a happy time of wedding planning.

Yet, despite a promise for protection and numerous advantages, a prenup doesn't mean that couples will avoid total litigation in the event of a divorce. While prenups can minimize unresolved issues, couples will still need to exchange financial information, a process known as discovery, Frawley said.

Child support can be another issue and determined at the time of divorce since child support isn't an enforceable term in a prenup. And while a prenup identifies what assets will be separate property or marital property, disputes can arise over whether an asset is separate property or has been mixed with marital property, Frawley said. Frawley said that if you decide to move forward with a prenup, you should start the process as early as possible. Read more : 4 reasons you may not want to sign a prenup.

You'll also need to fully disclose all assets and liabilities, including business interests. Future interest, such as an expected inheritance and interests in trusts, don't need to be disclosed in most states, Johannes said. When approaching your future spouse about it, you should consider their feelings and be straightforward about why you want the agreement, Frawley advised. Viera said engaged couples should always have the prenup conversation.

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